lately i have been....

listening to duffy a lot
sitting outside for hours
embracing my east coast heritage
figuring out money
watching the real world
phasing out the dipshits in my life
taking a lot of showers

maryland

there were a few things i wanted out of my trip to maryland. i believe i got them all. here are some highlights.....

sunshine
riding tractors
lightning bugs
thunder storms
marc thomas
chipped beef
dottie saying i looked like rita hayworth
my family
snow balls

good things to come this summer:

a week alone in the mountains
backyard cabana
david harris
san francisco
sunshine and long days
no school
england
france
underpants

Welcome to the neighborhood

I love my new neighborhood. Technically it's the same as my old neighborhood but it feels completely different. Although I love it, there's something about this area that's a little off. I can't quite figure it out, but for some reason I always feel like my little neighborhood is like the replica the guy from beetle juice made of their town. I've come up with a few reason as to why I feel these streets are odd..

*every night around 10 or 11 there's an old man, probably in his late 80's, who looks like he has escaped from the insane asylum and he's JOGGING. i'm so afraid he's going to crumble to dust because he's so old.

*giant mormon temple at the end of the block.

*there's random matching log cabins directly beside the mormon temple.

*there are no hills

*i always feel like i'm in philadelphia when i'm walking around this neighborhood. i've never lived there but that's the feeling i get. i think it's because there are a lot of chain link fences, which isn't common for seattle.

*this isn't a weird one it's an AWESOME one...i'm literally a stones throw away from taste of india.

Say goodbye to Betsy....

yup, she's gone. after getting into a car accident (not my fault) and having my car "totaled" they hauled her away this morning. i've been a lot of places in that thing. i think i've had it since i was 17. places me and beetle have been.....

maryland
pennsylvania
new york
delaware
new jersy
west virgina
virgina
north carolina
south carolina
georga
florida
ohio
indiana
illinoise
missouri
washington
oregon
california
mexico
canada

funny things to happen to me and my car....

getting stuck in the sand and my car almost washing away with the tide

fitting 3 people and a bunk bed inside my car

driving on the battle fields of gettysburg

the time it got broken into and there was duct tape there for months

mexico

san francisco

getting totaled






sorry the quality of the pictures are poor

pictures....

i love cloud cult and my new house...

two things of greater importance has happened in my life this week. number one. i saw cloud cult. number two. i moved into a new house. it's pointless trying to describe either. only one word can sum them up. AWESOME.

summer....please....

i miss lightning and lightning bugs.

A little bit of gardening.....

Today was a beautiful day. I looked at my poor plants and realized they needed a new home. Their roots have outgrown their pots.

A tribute to David James Harris...

I don't think there's anyone else in the world I love more than this boy. Sometimes I feel physical pain because I miss him and he is so far away....

Birthday success....

I had an amazing birthday. Thanks everyone for being such fun people.

Top five moments from my party....in ranking order:


5. When Aaron asked,"Is this party exactly what you wished for your birthday?", and me realizing the answer was yes.
4. Pulling out of the moment and looking down on all my friends dancing so intensely with out a care in the world. Notably Meagan Mason, Bubba, and Chris Chapin.
3. Watching Chris and Aaron free style rapping AND dancing to Dancing Queen.
2. Rachel and Haley
1. When Zach Rupp and Rachel Sommer sang Dream Lover by Mariah Carey....i'm not lying.








This is what will happen if you pass out at my party....

Nursing exams and Cloud Cult....

I finished my first week of nursing school. It's pretty intense, I kinda expected that though. Please note my GIANT stack of books. That's not even all of them. And I have to carry them around all day. Tuesdays are the worst because it's about 7 hours of lecture....sick. I love Wednesdays and Thursdays because it's when we get to do lab work and I get to wear scrubs all day. Every Thursday we have an exam. It's a pass or fail type of deal and I passed this week. You're allowed to retest twice, but after that you're kicked out. Like I told my new friend Ky.....it's easy, you just can't fuck up. That really explains it all. Speaking of my new friend Ky. We are the perfect team. I think we're the slacker/bad kids of our class. He doesn't know it yet, but we are best friends.

Also I've been listening to Cloud Cults new album The Ghost inside Our House the past two weeks and it's AMAZING!!! I don't think it officially comes out until next week, but you might be able to find it. They're coming to town next month and I am extremely excited. They are definitely in my top 5. The cure. Depeche Mode. The Frames. Cloud Cult. The fifth spot is always rotating. Right now I think it's pre-Fidelity Regina Spektor. My birthday was last week. I tried not to celebrate it because my party is tomorrow, but my friends tricked me and we celebrated it on my actual birthday....it was great and I can't wait for tomorrow. If you're reading this you're invited to my party. As a side note, maybe you forgot about my love for hockey....I know I kinda did. Haley and I went to a game this week and the Thunderbirds made it to the play offs!!!

Momma

My mom came to visit me this past week. It was great. She is probably one of my favorite people in the world. Thanks for being my mom, momma.

"i'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody."

that's my favorite quote from j.d. salinger's franny and zooey. i love it so much, but sometimes when i look at it, i can't help but think of some horribly cheesy youth group motto. anyways, the quote in context is beautiful. and i absolutely love j.d. salinger. here's the whole quote....

"I'm not afraid to compete. It's just the opposite. Don't you see that? I'm afraid I will compete- that's what scares me. That's why I quit the Theater Department. Just because I'm so horribly conditioned to accept everybody else's values, and just because I like applause and people to rave about me, doesn't make it right. I'm ashamed of it. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody. I'm sick of myself and everybody else that wants to make some kind of a splash."
- Franny

if the only book by salinger you've read is catcher in the rye, then you should be ashamed. i didn't even like that book and he's my favorite author. i really recommend reading franny and zooey. or 9 stories. the first time i read franny and zooey was in the summer of 2004. if you know me, you know that was probably one of the worst summers of my life. i know this is a bit extreme to say, but i really think franny and zooey played a part in saving my life and restoring my hope in God. franny's spiritual crisis was strangely familiar to my own and i found comfort in her divine fictional turmoil.

sick...

i woke up wednesday morning feeling like there were a ton of bricks on my chest. my sickness has only gotten worse. i am so thankful for kleenex with lotion. whoever invented them were geniuses. i'm also thankful for fisher mens cough drops. those things are potent. don't pop too many of those in a row though or they might make you puke. being sick while having an unhousebroken puppy is pretty difficult. i can't even image how hard it would be being a single mom or stay at home mom while being sick. it gives me a new understanding and respect for my own mother. today i took talullah to puppy kindergarten, it was kinda pointless because i've lost my voice. also i caucused today another difficult thing to do when you have no voice. anyways i'm drugged up and feeling a little bit better. thank you dayquil. so sorry if i've been ignoring your calls, its because i can't talk.

nursing school here i come....

yup, i got in. i start march 31st. i'm not sure how i feel about it all. i've been preparing for it for so long, it kind of seems unreal. deep down i didn't think i would get in....weird. in other news, Tallulah has an UTI. Sad, she pees everywhere and on me.

i guess i did ok...

That's me and Baxter on Christmas morning.


Today I had to take the TEAS, which is the entry exam for my nursing program. The results of the test combined with my GPA determine whether or not I get into the program. I've been really busy with Tallulah, so I actually forgot about it until my mom reminded me a few days ago. I wasn't nervous and didn't prepare at all. It took me about 3 hours to finish the 190 questions. The test was broken down into 4 categories. Much like the SAT. There was math, reading, english and science. I'm horrible at math and spelling, but I've known this since I was 10, so it wasn't a shock. All the questions were rather intense and the science section was a bitch. I got the results from the test as soon as I finished it and I was in the 95 percentile. I wasn't sure if that meant that 95% of people did better than me, or if 95% did worse than me. After discussing it with several people and then reading the explanation on the bottom of the results (i guess i'm not that smart), I realized it meant I scored higher than 95% of the people who completed the TEAS and are now in the nursing program. So I guess I did pretty good. My GPA is a 3.8, so hopefully that along with the TEAS score will get me into nursing school. I find out next week sometime. Speaking of next week. I'm leaving for Maryland on Saturday. I'm excited, I didn't get to go home for Christmas and I'm excited for my family to meet Tallulah. Yes I'm taking my dog on the airplane with me. Update on Tallulah: She will be turning 13 weeks on Saturday and we start puppy kindergarten tomorrow. Yes I enrolled my dog into puppy kindergarten. It's not the weird. I promise. It's a two month course. We go every Saturday for an hour and a half. It focuses on puppy socialization and basic manners. I'm not going to have children and I'll probably never have another dog, so I'm going for it. I just want her to be like Baxter.

Introducing....

I've been pretty crazy the past two weeks. Wanna know why? It's because I have a puppy and she is very cute and naughty. I'm trying to follow the monks rules very closely, but it's hard. Here's some pictures.

It's about to get crazy...

I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now. It's a mixture of relief, sadness, anxiety, fear, joy, regret....pretty much all emotions all jumbled up, except maybe anger....i'm not too angry. It seems like a lot of my things in my life are either ending or starting right now. Tonight was the last night of Chanukah. I also had my final tonight so school is done...which means I've completed all of my pre-reqs for the nursing program. In 36 hours I will be getting a puppy. In two weeks I will have applied for the nursing program and in a month I will have know whether or not I got accepted. Christmas is coming, a year is ending. I'm getting a new job. People are moving out and into the house. It just seems like there's a pretty big chapter of my life ending, and another one is on the brink of starting.

I really enjoyed celebrating Chanukah with Pete. It's nice to have a different perspective on this time of year. I like the idea of physically celebrating something...maybe that's why I like to dance. I loved lighting the candles a certain way, with a certain candle and in a certain order. It was also cool speaking out blessings while retelling the miracle of the lamp through the lighting of the candles. I'd like to incorporate more Jewish traditions into my life.
Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'o'lam asher kid'shanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu l'hadlik neir (shel) chanukah.

So like I said, I feel like it's about to get crazy in my life. Sometimes when I think about all the change that is happening, as well as a bunch of personal goals I am/want to make, life gets a little overwhelming. Like I said in previous blogs, I want to become a better communicator. I feel like I'm horrible at it right now and I hate the feeling I get when I don't communicate well, or when I know I should have communicated something but chickened out. I still have the desire for myself and my house to become a safe place for people who don't have one. My mother used to always say, we're family, this should be a safe place. I think that's what I'm wanting to recreate.

On another note. I miss David Harris and Clayre like crazy. They are some of the closest people I have in my life, but they both live so far away. I was talking about them to someone and saying how much I loved them, and then I realized that the majority of our friendship has been long distance and how it really really sucks that they are so far away. It made me sad, but they're worth it.

Friday night I'm going to this thing at St. Marks called Urban Hymnal. It's supposed to be a night of art, silence, prayer and music. I'm hoping that there will be space for me that night to process some of my feelings. The night also focuses on the sadness of the Christmas season, which is something I definitely am and will experience. St. Marks is a sacred place to me and I'm looking forward to some communal silence.

In conclusion. If you want to meet Tallulah, let me know. Introductions will be starting this weekend.

Domestic Christmas Goddess.....

This holiday season I've turned into a domestic goddess. So far I've made gingerbread house ornaments from scratch, popcorn and cranberry garland, Christmas snowman paintings, home made stockings with embroidered reindeer....and there's so more to come. I'm also celebrating Chanukah with my friend Pete. I'm even learning one of the Jewish blessings you're supposed to recite after lighting the candles. I love Christmas and I love making things. Tallulah comes in 6 days. I'm pretty nervous but very excited. I'm kinda sad that I'm not going home for Christmas, but I'm excited that I get to offer a safe place for other people to come for Christmas.