one of the most detrimental imprints left on my life is being unable to see grey. funny thing is i'm slightly color blind and have a hard time distinguishing blues/greens from grey.
think about it kid:
panama canal
black and white
spying is illegal
ferrari
Friday, August 29, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
the bible isn't my favorite book.....
but what it has to say about love is pretty amazing. i've read corinthians 13 probably half a million times in my life time, but if you actually think about what is says, it's really heavy and difficult. it seems like what the bible says about love is counter intuitive for me. i'm trying to learn the balance between loving others and loving myself. it's hard to do both at the same time. and which one do you do first?
1 Corinthians 13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
the ones that are the greatest challenge to me right now....
love is patient- i am not patient. especially concerning love.
love always trust- well that goes against everything that feels natural to me
love does not delight in evil- i think i'm realizing that i delight in evil things more than i'd like to admit.
sometimes i feel guilty for loving people. i feel like we are taught to take care of ourselves first. guard yourself against being hurt, don't trust anyone. maybe that's wrong?
lauryn hill says in her song about love, that love is not loud. i'm not sure what that means yet, but i like the sound of it. the idea of quiet love is very appealing to me. she always says, make me unselfish without being blind. that seems like a good healthy balance.
so continuing with love...it's hard to love someone when their love doesn't match your amount of love. usually i would stop loving that person or think there is something wrong with me for loving them more.
i'm trying to learn how to love not based on other people's actions. that's not quite what i wanted to say, but i can't think of how to describe it. i want to learn how to love people for no reason and with the reality that they may never love me back.
it's fucking hard. sorry mom.
1 Corinthians 13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
the ones that are the greatest challenge to me right now....
love is patient- i am not patient. especially concerning love.
love always trust- well that goes against everything that feels natural to me
love does not delight in evil- i think i'm realizing that i delight in evil things more than i'd like to admit.
sometimes i feel guilty for loving people. i feel like we are taught to take care of ourselves first. guard yourself against being hurt, don't trust anyone. maybe that's wrong?
lauryn hill says in her song about love, that love is not loud. i'm not sure what that means yet, but i like the sound of it. the idea of quiet love is very appealing to me. she always says, make me unselfish without being blind. that seems like a good healthy balance.
so continuing with love...it's hard to love someone when their love doesn't match your amount of love. usually i would stop loving that person or think there is something wrong with me for loving them more.
i'm trying to learn how to love not based on other people's actions. that's not quite what i wanted to say, but i can't think of how to describe it. i want to learn how to love people for no reason and with the reality that they may never love me back.
it's fucking hard. sorry mom.
Monday, August 11, 2008
unlucky
i realized this past week that i'm an unlucky person. for a while i thought i attracted disaster but after milling that theory over for a while i realize that wasn't true. it's never disastrous the things that happen to me. usually just funny small/annoying things. sometimes they have the potential to become actual disasters but seeing as how i'm so familiar with bad luck, i usually thwart off the disaster with my laid back attitude (which may actually be lucky of me). anyways my friends and family would never be shocked if i called them with this story, "i decided to take my inflatable raft on green lake but it ended up sinking after being on the water for 5 minutes" (true story). i don't think any of them would even blink an eye. if i had a penny for every time i've had to call friends/family with some dumb car problem, i would have at least $18, which is a lot of pennies...do the math. the other morning i woke up and realized my keys were locked in my car. it honestly didn't even phase me, i walked back inside called AAA (best investment someone like me could have), ate breakfast, watched the guy pop my lock, then went back to bed. i've also been realizing my life is full of coincidences. all these isolated events happen to me, that must be related, but in the end, they're 100% coincidence. which is more freaky to me than if they were actually related. on the same day all this happend.....
lost my wallet
lost my passport
3 bill collectors called saying i hadn't paid their bills, when i knew i had
i realized i had someone else's title and registration for my car
i was accidentally drunk
there must be some correlation between them all....but no. they're all completely separate events hanging on a string of bad luck.
anyways then i got to thinking about people who had good luck. and then breaking down that group into people who make their own good luck and those who just have dumb luck. for example phil cunningham=dumb luck. rusty polinder=make his own good luck.
then i got to thinking maybe there's those two kinds of unlucky people too. people who just happen to have dumb bad luck. or those who make their own bad luck. weird.
so that's what i'm thinking about. in the end it's pretty funny.
lost my wallet
lost my passport
3 bill collectors called saying i hadn't paid their bills, when i knew i had
i realized i had someone else's title and registration for my car
i was accidentally drunk
there must be some correlation between them all....but no. they're all completely separate events hanging on a string of bad luck.
anyways then i got to thinking about people who had good luck. and then breaking down that group into people who make their own good luck and those who just have dumb luck. for example phil cunningham=dumb luck. rusty polinder=make his own good luck.
then i got to thinking maybe there's those two kinds of unlucky people too. people who just happen to have dumb bad luck. or those who make their own bad luck. weird.
so that's what i'm thinking about. in the end it's pretty funny.
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