rest...

I'm at World Cup waiting for some friends to do a school project. I got here about a half hour early and for the most part I've been rather antsy. I'm not around any one I know, I'm not doing anything productive (well maybe now I am), but I'm just being. I haven't been alone for a long time it seems. And it seems like an even longer time since I haven't beat myself up inside for doing nothing. Not that I don't ever do nothing, I do it a lot, but usually it makes me very uneasy and I feel guilty in my heart. Anyways I decided to stop and just rest. It feels nice. I'm not worrying about school, the grey house, relationships, money, I'm just staring out the window listening to Van Morrison. I think I need to start incorporating more alone time into my life. The thought of being alone makes me feel anxious, but then when I actually do it, it's good. I start to feel connected to myself when I'm by myself. Lately I've been feeling like I'm fading away and the things I feel and believe were becoming a bit blurry. Nothing huge it just felt like the edges of my soul were becoming drippy, they they were melting (maybe global warming?). Also as a side note, not really related to this but I thought to myself today.....I have to be a Christian and believe in God, because if I don't have Jesus to help me cope with people, I'd probably kill them all. Also, Funky painted this beautiful picture.