done my finals.

finished with my finals. i thought i had bombed the essay portion of my history final because i got the dates confused and wasn't prepared......AT ALL. fortunately i did better than i thought and my professor really likes me for some reason. got A's in all of my classes....i still think there must have been a mistake somewhere.
awesome thing to happen....my history professor is very accomplished, had a bajillion degrees and titles, worked at the library of congress, etc. she asked me to part of a project dealing with agriculture as a means to end poverty in africa. i have to read and critique a stack full of proposals, reports, journals prepared by universities and institutions and present my own idea and compile a report on the pros and cons of all my readings. i then have to present it to one of the leaders of the world bank. SAY WHAT?!! anyways i have two weeks and i'm feeling a bit under-qualified. good opportunity and learning experience though. we'll see.

hair update...

i miss my long hair....maybe it's the oncoming spring. either way this is a hair length update....mainly for my mother.

my weekend...

last weekend i discovered book tv on cspan2. i never knew i could have so much fun on tv. it was great. maybe i'm a nerd, or maybe i'm just too lazy to read the books myself. either way i had a great weekend. bad news though...i got really excited when i got home tonight because i realized i could watch book tv. i never get excited about tv. i started scanning though the cannels, but i couldn't find book tv. for a split second i thought comcast the digital satan (thank you nas) had heard me raving to my roommates about how much i loved and learned from book tv and in an attempt to shut down free thinking cancelled the book tv channel, then i found out book tv is only on the weekends....bummer, but now i have something new to do on the weekends.

winter....

i'm over it. i need more day light. i've decided spring is going to come in february....no more waiting around for winter to end. if there's no snow then i don't want it.

school+me= RUN AWAY

being in college is very difficult for me. i realized though it's not the content of the classes that makes school difficult for me. the hardest part of school is staying in it. there's something inherent about the nature of institutionalized education that makes every cell in my body want to turn and run the opposite direction. i love learning and left to my own devices i will gobble up books and information faster than you can say cookie monster, but as soon as you put me into a "learning institution" i shut down. i need to get over it because i've been trying to stay in school for several years and i still have several years left until i am finished. it's a common theme in my life though. as soon as i am in a situation where i'm required to do what i'm doing i lose all interest and it becomes the most difficult thing in my life. when i hear people graduate from college i always wonder to myself.....they did it why can't i. school and i are like oil and vinegar.

Happy 9 Year!

only thing i can say about '08 is that it was the shortest year of my life. i know people always say that but i mean it. it was here and gone before i realized it even started. i like new things...

snow....

it's been snowing in seattle for almost two weeks now. we have about a foot of snow. everyone's complaining about it but i couldn't be happier. everyday is a snow day. i'm hoping this is the beginning of the new ice age. come on snow!

why lauryn?

i wonder why lauryn hill doesn't come out with more music. i don't want to force her to make more music....or at least a book, but it would be helpful for the world if she did.

sorry mom...

see ya on the turkey side...

a few things....
yesterday was thanksgiving
i hate money and cars
i wake up every morning between 5:58 and 6:14
i received my first pay cut... damn economy
i'm seriously considering shaving my head
i read the bible yesterday

rachel and i are going to d.c. for christmas. we've bought our plane ticket but realized we don't have any money left. we may be sleeping on the streets in d.c. good news though...the white house emailed me. that was cool. maybe we can stay with them?

the update...

here's a list of what's been going on the past month:

our house got a new puppy-Huckley
the heat stopped working in our house
WE GOT A WHITE BOARD!!!
pumpkin fest came and went-it was ruined by the police (not the band)
we got rid of our new puppy-bye Huckley
barack obama- need i say more?
school
finally finished the book non-violence (it might get it's own post)
i only listen to rap now- biggie, nas, jay-z, fugees

i think that's it. it's been busy.

i may be an anarchist...

but this man has caused me to have pride in my country for the first time. let's hope.

pumpkin fest 08!!!

this weekend is pumpkin fest. i'm excited. all are invited. the party starts at 9 and is at my house. 818 ne 58th st, in the u district.
yay!

scrappy puppy...

i might have the cutest animal in the world.
my friend kevin took some picture of her at the dog park on a blustery autumn day.

september who?

i completely forgot about the month of september. i thought that entire month was october. yesterday was quite the shocker for me seeing as it was actually october 1st. i thought october was ending, it was just beginning. anyways....updateorama.....
i dropped out of nursing school....why? because i wanted to. that may seem childish and irresponsible but at least i'm owning up to it. it's more than that. nursing school was a quick fix to my academic woes. have a respectable profession in 2 years compared to 4....sure i'll take it. it wasn't for me though. i really enjoyed learning about the body and science but the actual practice of it.....well, it's just not me. i took this summer off to figure out what i actually wanted to do with my life. i asked myself some simple questions. what do i like? what have a liked for a while? i like learning. but there's nothing that interests me enough for it to be all of what i do. i like traveling. i like books. i like research. what am i good at? i'm good at the things i like, or i like the things i'm good at. after asking and answering those questions and with the help of chris chapin i realized i should be a librarian. now you may be thinking librarians are restricted to your local public library, but have you ever heard of the library of congress? yup, librarians work there. ever been to a museum?-librarians. ever been to a court house or known a lawyer...who keeps them straight? librarians. i love learning and love to help people learn. that's where i used to get stuck in my quest for education. i thought because i loved learning and helping people learn that meant i should be a teacher, but i know for a fact i never want to be a teacher. this is how it happened. i was at the library downtown one day. i was in the reference section (my favorite, it's the one with all the census', maps, dictionaries, records etc.) and i have about 4 or 5 different reference books sprawled out across the table. a man came up to me and asked me where he could find law records, i pointed him in the direction and went back to my books. a few minutes later another person came up and asked me a question, i helped them and again went back to what i was doing. the 3rd time it happened i finally got it...they thought i was a librarian. i laughed when i realized. i went home that night at told chris the story because it was funny, then he said, in this semi-mocking but listen to what i'm about to say voice, "huh. funny. it'd be kinda cool if you were one". and that's how i became a librarian. to become a librarian you have to get your masters in library science. when i was reading the description of people who usually enter the program, it was stupid how similar i am to them. so that's what i'm doing. dropped nursing school, basically starting over. it's great though because i've done all the general education courses and now i get to do fun classes.
my five-ish year plan (the order of some of these events might change):
get my BA in psychology (3 years)
go to costa rica (1 year)
move to nyc or dc for masters program (2 years)

there ya have it.

opposites....

one of the most detrimental imprints left on my life is being unable to see grey. funny thing is i'm slightly color blind and have a hard time distinguishing blues/greens from grey.

think about it kid:

panama canal
black and white
spying is illegal
ferrari

tallulah

is a stake in the ground marking i'm here to stay.

me & cabana.

the bible isn't my favorite book.....

but what it has to say about love is pretty amazing. i've read corinthians 13 probably half a million times in my life time, but if you actually think about what is says, it's really heavy and difficult. it seems like what the bible says about love is counter intuitive for me. i'm trying to learn the balance between loving others and loving myself. it's hard to do both at the same time. and which one do you do first?

1 Corinthians 13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


the ones that are the greatest challenge to me right now....


love is patient- i am not patient. especially concerning love.

love always trust- well that goes against everything that feels natural to me

love does not delight in evil- i think i'm realizing that i delight in evil things more than i'd like to admit.

sometimes i feel guilty for loving people. i feel like we are taught to take care of ourselves first. guard yourself against being hurt, don't trust anyone. maybe that's wrong?

lauryn hill says in her song about love, that love is not loud. i'm not sure what that means yet, but i like the sound of it. the idea of quiet love is very appealing to me. she always says, make me unselfish without being blind. that seems like a good healthy balance.

so continuing with love...it's hard to love someone when their love doesn't match your amount of love. usually i would stop loving that person or think there is something wrong with me for loving them more.

i'm trying to learn how to love not based on other people's actions. that's not quite what i wanted to say, but i can't think of how to describe it. i want to learn how to love people for no reason and with the reality that they may never love me back.

it's fucking hard. sorry mom.

unlucky

i realized this past week that i'm an unlucky person. for a while i thought i attracted disaster but after milling that theory over for a while i realize that wasn't true. it's never disastrous the things that happen to me. usually just funny small/annoying things. sometimes they have the potential to become actual disasters but seeing as how i'm so familiar with bad luck, i usually thwart off the disaster with my laid back attitude (which may actually be lucky of me). anyways my friends and family would never be shocked if i called them with this story, "i decided to take my inflatable raft on green lake but it ended up sinking after being on the water for 5 minutes" (true story). i don't think any of them would even blink an eye. if i had a penny for every time i've had to call friends/family with some dumb car problem, i would have at least $18, which is a lot of pennies...do the math. the other morning i woke up and realized my keys were locked in my car. it honestly didn't even phase me, i walked back inside called AAA (best investment someone like me could have), ate breakfast, watched the guy pop my lock, then went back to bed. i've also been realizing my life is full of coincidences. all these isolated events happen to me, that must be related, but in the end, they're 100% coincidence. which is more freaky to me than if they were actually related. on the same day all this happend.....

lost my wallet
lost my passport
3 bill collectors called saying i hadn't paid their bills, when i knew i had
i realized i had someone else's title and registration for my car
i was accidentally drunk

there must be some correlation between them all....but no. they're all completely separate events hanging on a string of bad luck.

anyways then i got to thinking about people who had good luck. and then breaking down that group into people who make their own good luck and those who just have dumb luck. for example phil cunningham=dumb luck. rusty polinder=make his own good luck.

then i got to thinking maybe there's those two kinds of unlucky people too. people who just happen to have dumb bad luck. or those who make their own bad luck. weird.

so that's what i'm thinking about. in the end it's pretty funny.