this is what i live for....

today was great! it was one of those days that reminded me why i opt out on making more money in exchange for building relationships. i could work more hours and make probably double the amount of money i make now.....but i don't need to. i make just enough money to pay for my living expenses and have a little extra to save and have fun with. i much rather make less money and have more time to do the things i love. i woke up around 10 am, read a bit in my bed, wondered out of my room where the rest of my roommates were hanging out, sat with them eating cold pizza from the night before, and i was completely happy. after our breakfast, brian mentioned that it was free video game day at piccilos (a pizza place a few blocks away). so we all headed out for some more pizza and free video games. some other friends of ours met up with us there and we proceeded to have a rather chuck e. cheeseish pizza party. it was grand. after being there a few hours we wondered out into the day light (the video game room was like a dungeon) and sauntered on home. across the the universe (a musical where the score was completely made of beatles song) was playing today at one of the local movie theaters, so brian, elyse and i decided to go see it. i'm not a huge beatles fan but the movie looked good and i really wanted to see it. i was not disappointed at all....everything about the movie was beautiful, the music, the people, the colors...and my beatle love level definitely got pushed up a couple notches. also brian and i both fell in love with the main guy in the movie...like i said it was a good day and like dr. phil always says, money isn't the only form of currency. amen dr. phil, amen.

my trip to robothon....

not sure if you knew but this weekend was robothon at seattle center. bubba's never been on a special surprise before but today was his special day....special surprise to robothon '07....other people came as well.....

my trip to the library....

Today was a 55 degree, rainy, grey rather "seattle" day....and what better day to take a trip to the library. it's one of my most favorite places in seattle, especially when it rains because the whole building's a big window. i love sitting on the red rubber chairs and green foliage carpet and watching the rain and airplanes fly by with the puget sound as my backdrop. oh yeah....and there's a lot of books. i grabbed some color and took some pictures......

Hey....are you guys like going to bumber....

Why yes, I did go to bumbershoot, and yes I did see the frames and yes someone did ask us, Hey....are you guys like going to bumber.... The frames were amazing of course. I've never been disppointed by one of their shows.




The whole day of bumbershoot was pretty good. I originally was only going to go to see the frames but brian convinced me to tag along with him all day along with justin who caved into our peer pressure. We saw the blakes (brian and i both fell in love with the tambourine player), Viva Voce, the frames (of course) and wu tang clan.....yes i just threw up the W sign. It was a really good day, mainly because of the frames, but it was also great hanging out with brian and justin. also there was a whole room full of original poster art which was amazing. i love the frames. i'm not really giving the day the justice it deserves so if you wanna read more, check out Justin and Brian's blog.

My new camera....

I got a new camera the other day. I'm going to sell my old one.....if I can find it. I had a lot of fun with Brian trying to figure out all the features. Also, Jolene and I took Jaya to ride the ducks. It was a lot of fun watching Jaya blow her duck noise maker to the sweet sounds of funk music...her favorite. We had another family dinner last night. Anna made a yummy dal...mmm. Tomorrow new people move into the Grey house, I'm excited. Here's some pictures.

THE FRAMES.....

I love The Frames. They're probably my favorite band, and they're definitely my favorite band live.......sorry Depeche Mode and The Cure. Some of the happiest times of my life has been while watching The Frames....and I'm not even exaggerating. Anyways, I'm going to see The Frames on Monday with Brian at Bumbershoot. Should be AMAZING!!
This will be my fouth time seeing them live. It should've been more than that, but I couldn't see them live till I was 21 because they'd always play 21+ shows...lame. Also, I don't know if you've ever seen the move Once, but the lead singer from The Frames is the main character, it's an amazing movie. I love The Frames.

Randy, Leila, Eden, Monte, Cindy, Jimmy, Nick, Lacey.......

This weekend I went camping at Lake Walupt. It's a long story, I know. I was driving Brian's car with some people in it and Mandy was coming a few hours later in my car and some more people. After driving 2 more hours than we planned we reached the bottom of a mountain with a sign saying Lake Walupt 21 miles. This wasn't just any road it was a forest service road winding up the side of a mountain. The road was "gravel" aka big chunks of rock with huge pot holes. We had to go about 15 miles per hour, which would take approximately and 1 hour and 20 minute to drive. During the drive up I had a few mild anxiety attacks as I would look down the 3,000 foot drop from the cliff I was driving two feet away from. We went about 16 miles on the road and Brian's car suddenly stopped. There we were stuck in the middle of the road now at about 3,500 feet up, no cell phone reception, we hadn't seen a car for over and hour, no food or water (we had beer), and about 30 miles away from civilization. So we waited. About 45 minutes later a car came by. They had no room to take one of us off the mountain but they took down my AAA number to call them for us and gave us some water.

A bit later another car came going towards Lake Walupt and we decided to send Justin with them to the campground, hoping there would be a phone for him to get help with. Now it was just me and David stranded on top of a mountain, we waited for about 3 hours. Mandy still hadn't come and I was getting worried the Beetle couldn't make it up the road. Justin came back riding with the campground host, Randy, in a minivan. We figured AAA was never coming and who knew when Mandy would be here, so we packed all our gear and ourselves into the van and drove to the campground. It was about 5:30 and we knew there'd be no hope in getting the car off the mountain that day so I decided I'd just go the next morning. While we were waiting for the rest of the group Randy and Leila, the campground hosts, made themselves more than available to help us in anyway possible. Finally Mandy and the others showed up around 7. The next morning around 8 am, Angela and I started down the mountain to figure out the car debacle. It was Saturday morning so we had some trouble finding a tow company that was open. AAA said they wouldn't tow on an unpaved road so that was out of the picture. After trying to hunt down a few tow trucks we stoped at the local animal feed store and talked to Eden. We told her our dilemma and she was determined to help us. She called her friend Cindy who's husband, Monte, was a mechanic. Cindy told Eden to send us down her way and Monte should be home soon to help us. We drove to Cindy and Monte's house and when we got there Cindy and her dog Harley were there to welcome us with open arms. Monte was a few towns away so we had some time to hang out with Cindy. Meanwhile I was calling Brian telling him the story and asking what I should do. He called a tow company and arranged to have the tow truck pick me up at Monte and Cindy's on his way up the mountain to get Brian's car.
By this time is was 1 pm. I had planned on being back up the mountain and camping by 2, but shortly realized I was wrong. So Jimmy Beslow (who we didn't know at this time, but was rivals with Monte) picked me up and we started on our hour and half journey up the mountain. I was kinda concerned because I'm not the best at making conversation, but good ol' JJ (as he called himself) made up for it. He was a great guy. We had some really good conversation. He told me about his family and his son who had passed away a few years ago. He told me about snowmobiling and the mountains that he grew up in. I talked about my family, Ywam, school, and life. It was quite the experience. To read more about Jimmy Beslow check out this story about him.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2003465485_missing07m.html
Finally we got back to Monte's. Angela had been waiting for 2 1/2 hours. He dropped the car off and Monte began working on it right away. Did I mention that it was Monte's day off? He told us he didn't have some of the parts so we would have to drive to Morton (the town two towns over) while he began taking the wheels off. We got back to Monte's around 5 pm, he fixed the car in under an hour and only charged us for the parts. Monte and Cindy waved us off and wished us good luck. Angela was driving Brian's car, I was driving my car....we ended up getting lost. After driving aimlessly for 2 hours and going on several other forest serive roads we decided to back track to Monte and Cindy's. They came out once again, arms open wide and so concerned. We asked if we could keep Brian's car there overnight and Angela and I would go up the mountain in my car, because neither of us wanted to drive up alone. Of course they said yes, and offered a place for us to stay if we didn't feel comfortable driving up the mountain. By this time it was 7:30 and we had about 30 minutes of day light left. We started up the road and at about 8:45 pm we were back at the campsite. A hole day of camping gone. The next morning it was raining and time to leave Lake Walupt (I only had about 4 hours of daylight camping over the weekend). We had a problem though because there was 6 of us, all our junk and one car. No one wanted to go down the mountain, get Brian's car, go back up the mountain and then back down again. It wouldn've taken 4 extra hours.
So we asked around, to see if anyone was going down the mountain around the same time, and hitched some rides with them. Jolene and I got a ride from Nick and Lacey. Two archeologists from Mississippi. They both now live in Washington and pass through Seattle quite often. We invited them to family dinner, exchanged numbers and hopefully we'll be seeing them again. After 5 hours of driving home in I-5 traffick, we were home. Even though I didn't actually get go camping, on the ride home, my heart was full. I had met so many amazing people this weekend, who genuinely cared. My faith in humanity was truely restored. These people had no reason for being so nice and hospitable or allowing me to enter into their life, but they did. They took care of us, and I could see Jesus in all of them. So, who wants to go camping next week?

My kids.....

I know that not many will care to see these photo's but I felt compelled to share them. After all these are my kids and I miss them.

dinners. finals. camping. pubs. friends.

I'm finished with Anatomy and Physiology. (let's please pause for a moment of silence)

It's hard for me to believe it. It's a two quarter course with a 20 pound book to go along with it. When I first started the class, I remember flipping towards the back of the book thinking I'll never finish it and that I'll never be able to comprehend all that information......and now.....I've done it. Not only did I complete it, I did well. I'm pretty proud of myself. I truely thought I couldn't do it. It's been a great class. I've learned a lot and made some really good friends along the way. Wednesday night was the final and afterwards some of my friends/classmates went out to the pub to celebrate. There's definitely a sense of comradery between us all. We've been struggling with this course together for 6 months and now it's over. It was fun to go out with everyone and reminisce about the good old days when all we had to do was memorize the names of bones, compared to more recently where we had to know the partial pressure and filtration rates of the nephrons at the glomerulus. Also we had another family dinner. It was once again a big hit. I really enjoy it and am amazed at how much other people enjoy it as well. I'm excited for the next one, and if you're reading this you're definitely invited. This weekend some of us are going camping. I'm very excited. As I told Justin, our new house mate, to say I love camping would be an understatement. I'm passionate about camping. We're going to Lake Walupt and I have a boat. I love Seattle and the Rupps....including Bruce.

Ann?

So someone commented on my last post named Ann. She's a mystery just like the Masons. Ann who are you?

rest...

I'm at World Cup waiting for some friends to do a school project. I got here about a half hour early and for the most part I've been rather antsy. I'm not around any one I know, I'm not doing anything productive (well maybe now I am), but I'm just being. I haven't been alone for a long time it seems. And it seems like an even longer time since I haven't beat myself up inside for doing nothing. Not that I don't ever do nothing, I do it a lot, but usually it makes me very uneasy and I feel guilty in my heart. Anyways I decided to stop and just rest. It feels nice. I'm not worrying about school, the grey house, relationships, money, I'm just staring out the window listening to Van Morrison. I think I need to start incorporating more alone time into my life. The thought of being alone makes me feel anxious, but then when I actually do it, it's good. I start to feel connected to myself when I'm by myself. Lately I've been feeling like I'm fading away and the things I feel and believe were becoming a bit blurry. Nothing huge it just felt like the edges of my soul were becoming drippy, they they were melting (maybe global warming?). Also as a side note, not really related to this but I thought to myself today.....I have to be a Christian and believe in God, because if I don't have Jesus to help me cope with people, I'd probably kill them all. Also, Funky painted this beautiful picture.

Grey Community...

I live in the Grey House. It's a big grey house at the corner of 43rd and 8th. It was the first place I ever lived at in Seattle. I feel a sense of ownership towards it, although it's not mine. I've moved in and out of the grey house over the past 4 years, and it continues to be a house of change for my soul. It's strange for me to think of physical objects such as buildings to be able to bring healing. I'm sure it's not the actual building but I will always love this house because there has never been a time in my life where more has happened to me than in this grey box. I'm continuing to live here for another year and for lack of a better phrase.......I'm PSYCHED!!! The other night David Harris (one of my favorite people in the world) thought we should have a family dinner. We ended up inviting a lot of people, neighbors, friends, classmates, etc. I think about 12 people ended up coming. It was so great having a house full of old/new friends and feeling a sense of true community. We lined our two dinning room tables up in the middle of the room. Lit tons of candle, turned the fairy lights on and ate great food. There were a few moments while we were preparing the dinner that I looked around and was so proud of myself and my friends. Here we were a bunch of punky kids (as my father would put it), not just surviving but thriving and growing in a city of apathy. We were working together to build community and the end result was beautiful. Two tables full of people from different walks and places in life, laughing, eating and building realationship. Everyone brought an aspect of themselves and their giftings and helped to create a family, even if it only lasted a few hours. David worked on the lighting in the house, Jolene, Mandy and I made the food. Anna kept everyone entertained. It was great. By the end of the night I made a bunch of new friends and I like to think that everyone felt a sense of belonging and safety, which for me at least is hard to find. I want to do it more often. Provide a safe place. I don't want to save, fix, or fulfill anyone, I just want to offer safety. I think also that's what I want for myself. Dave Laird would have been a proud papa.

pedal or paddle??

.....i wish that was our boat.....







today jolene, mandy, david and myself went pedal boating on greenlake. it was fun.....although i think our boat was defective and jolene decided to get "tennis" knee as soon as we started pedaling......how convenient. we decided to pedal our boat clear across the lake to the secret island. after a sticker bush debacle we landed in the lagoon of the secret island. at that point i had to pee, so i thought to myself, no better time than the present. i trailed off into the spider web infested island to find a good peeing spot. somewhere inbetween the sticker bush and pedaling with my hands incident, i lost the $20 in my pocket. that sucked, but the rest of the experience was great. we thought we were never going to make it ashore, but we did. on the way back in we noticed that every other pedal boat was going much faster than ours and they weren't pedaling nearly as hard. oh well, like i said it was fun. as a side note to the boating experience, i almost got into a fist fight with some jerk who decided to run a stop sign. i think i scared him off though.

july, july, july.....

I used to go to Baja Fresh more frequently than I do now and the guy who would call out my name, for me to come get my order would always call me july. I liked it. anyways, it's july. i celebrated my first seattle independence day this year. i've been around for other 4th of july's but i've always been too busy with mission adventures, so i've never really been able to celebrate it. we had a bbq and went to gasworks to watch the fireworks. i've never really seen a real fireworks show, and it was amazing. there were a few times i almost started crying. especially when the fireworks were going in sync with "what do you do with a drunken sailor". it was great. i'm back and school and haven't been as studious as last quarter, as a result i've spent the weekend cramming my brain full of heart and blood information. ask me a question about your leukocytes, go ahead, i'll know the answer. i love seattle in the summer, it's the 2nd most magical place in the world.....disney world's the first.

3.8 and 3.5

I got my grades back today. I received an A in both classes. Anatomy and physiology and Nursing 99. ANP was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do, so I'm proud of my 3.5, although it would have been nice to get a 4.0. In less than a week I'll be back in school for the summer. I'm taking ANP 2 and Intermediate algebra. I'm really nervous about the algebra because I don't know how to do it, other than the tutorial Mandy, Heidi and Drew gave me. I'm in Maryland right now. It's hard being here. Kinda bitter sweet. It's sad because everytime I come back here it's more obvious that this isn't my home, and that's a really sad feeling. At the same time though, it's a happy thing because it makes me realize how Seattle is my home, and how much I love it. I miss Seattle already and I've only been gone 4 days. I'm ready to go home. In other news, I'm still planning a camping trip for August, if you want in, let me know.

finals and maryland

tomorrow is my anatomy and physiology final as well as my nursing 99 final. i haven't studied for either. i know i should've but everytime i sit down to study, the sun distracts me. also i'm leaving for maryland on saturday. i'll be gone for a week. i'm excited. i'm going to go fishing, crabbing, swimming and much more. my summer quarter starts in about 2 weeks. i'm taking anatomy and physiology 2 and intermediate algebra. i'm really nervous about the algebra, i don't know how much you know about my highschool, but the year book advisor was also my algebra teacher. if anyone knows how to do algebra and would like to help me, that would be great.

Amendment to the top 5 memories....

6. When I met Zach Rupp
7. When I ate a chicken that had a beer can shoved up it's ass, with Phil.

memory all alone in the moonlight.....

i've always had this problem where i can't remember things. i don't remember much from my childhood, or anything at all. i don't remember much from highschool, and sadly i don't remember much from seattle (although i have more memory of seattle than anything else, but that could be because it's closer in time). anyways.....it's always upset me inside. people would start talking, remember when....blablablablabla.....and about 85% of the time, i have no clue what their talking about. i've been thinking more about memories more recently because i'm trying to process my time back in maryland. if you remember in another blog i wrote, one of the reasons i started back at counseling, was that i needed help processing it. so i have this over all feeling that my time in maryland was hard....so then i tried to remember why it was so difficult and i got nothing. i mean, i know the general reasoning of why it was hard, but as far as specific memories/examples, i can't really think of many. when that happens (the whole not remembering things to back up a feeling...which happens a lot) i start to doubt myself, and think i'm crazy or a liar. so this all starts making me sad/upset with myself. it's hard to know what's true when you don't have a good hold on the past. even thinking back to the past 4 years in seattle is pretty hazy. so, i talked to my counselor about it. he thought it was a few different things working together which causes me not to remember much. one thing he pointed to was the fact that i've been pretty emotionally disconnected from everything. my way to survive growing up with my family was not to have emotions tied into situations. one thing that causes a memory is an emotional connection with whatever's going on around you in the moment. since i haven't had many of those...i don't have many memories....their not lost forever though, don't worry. it still takes me a while to connect what i'm feeling with the moment at hand, which is why the short memory continues while i'm in seattle, also my brains been working like this for 21 years so it's kind of engraved into my memory.....get it??? (you were supposed to get the irony involved...) my counselor suggested that i start backwards, try to remember seattle, then work my way back into childhood. he wanted me to think of the 5 most memorable times in seattle, which wasn't that hard, because i only had about 20 memories to pick from....just kidding. i based these five on how clear they are and how strongly i connected emotionaly in the the moment, so here ya go.....

in no particular order.....

1. the day i let someone see me really cry and i happend to cry more than i've ever cried before
2. the day i had to call my mother and tell her i was depressed, going on medication, and had tried to kill myself
3. the day i saw in the frames perform at sasquatch 2005 (still causes me to become extremely happy)
4. the day i went to st. marks beforing leaving for my sabbatical in maryland
5. the day i broke down at beths with anna and locked myself in the bathroom