once upon a time i was involved in a school called the rising. i'm not sure what we did, but one thing we did do was try and identify our core values. i think i was too young at the time to know them....maybe not. so far this is what i got...
relationships pain honesty
i've also been thinking about those things in relationship to privilege vs. right. i'm beginning to think that honesty is sometimes a privilege. which goes against a lot of my thinking, but ironic as it is...i think it's the truth.
yes that is a quote from lauryn hill. i think i've reached a place in my life where i'm wanting reality more than fantasy. as most things it's bittersweet. i think i'm growing up. my friends are too. i may be at the beginning stages of "perspective". like lauryn says, reality is truth and it will set you free. number of times i've quoted lauryn today: 32
whatever lauryn says....do it. she is an amazing woman.
Let me be patient let me be kind Make me unselfish without being blind Though I may suffer I'll envy it not And endure what comes Cause he's all that I got and tell him...
Tell him I need him [yeah] Tell him I love him [tell him] And it'll be alright *Background singing* Telll himmm be alright be alright Tell him tell him I need him Tell him I love him It'll be alright
Now I may have faith to make mountains fall But if I lack love then I am nothin' at all I can give away everything I possess But left without love then I have no happiness I know I'm imperfect [I know I'm imperfect] & not without sin [& not without sin] But now that I'm older all childish things end and tell him...
Tell him I need him [yeah] Tell him I love him [tell him] And it'll be alright *Background singing* Telll himmm be alright be alright Tell him tell him I need him Tell him I love him It'll be alright
Bridge I'll never be jealous And I won't be too proud Cause love is not boastful Oooh and love is not loud Tell him I need him Tell him I love him Everything's gonna be alright [w/ adlibs] ieee iee ieee iee iee iee iee iee
Now I may have wisdom and knowledge on Earth But if I speak wrong then what is it worth? See what we now know is nothing compared to the love that was shown when our lives were spared and tell him...
Tell him I need him [yeah] Tell him I love him [tell him] And it'll be alright *Background singing* Telll himmm be allright be alright Tell him tell him I need him Tell him I love him It'll be alright
listening to duffy a lot sitting outside for hours embracing my east coast heritage figuring out money watching the real world phasing out the dipshits in my life taking a lot of showers
I love my new neighborhood. Technically it's the same as my old neighborhood but it feels completely different. Although I love it, there's something about this area that's a little off. I can't quite figure it out, but for some reason I always feel like my little neighborhood is like the replica the guy from beetle juice made of their town. I've come up with a few reason as to why I feel these streets are odd..
*every night around 10 or 11 there's an old man, probably in his late 80's, who looks like he has escaped from the insane asylum and he's JOGGING. i'm so afraid he's going to crumble to dust because he's so old.
*giant mormon temple at the end of the block.
*there's random matching log cabins directly beside the mormon temple.
*there are no hills
*i always feel like i'm in philadelphia when i'm walking around this neighborhood. i've never lived there but that's the feeling i get. i think it's because there are a lot of chain link fences, which isn't common for seattle.
*this isn't a weird one it's an AWESOME one...i'm literally a stones throw away from taste of india.
yup, she's gone. after getting into a car accident (not my fault) and having my car "totaled" they hauled her away this morning. i've been a lot of places in that thing. i think i've had it since i was 17. places me and beetle have been.....
maryland pennsylvania new york delaware new jersy west virgina virgina north carolina south carolina georga florida ohio indiana illinoise missouri washington oregon california mexico canada
funny things to happen to me and my car....
getting stuck in the sand and my car almost washing away with the tide
fitting 3 people and a bunk bed inside my car
driving on the battle fields of gettysburg
the time it got broken into and there was duct tape there for months
two things of greater importance has happened in my life this week. number one. i saw cloud cult. number two. i moved into a new house. it's pointless trying to describe either. only one word can sum them up. AWESOME.
I had an amazing birthday. Thanks everyone for being such fun people.
Top five moments from my party....in ranking order:
5. When Aaron asked,"Is this party exactly what you wished for your birthday?", and me realizing the answer was yes. 4. Pulling out of the moment and looking down on all my friends dancing so intensely with out a care in the world. Notably Meagan Mason, Bubba, and Chris Chapin. 3. Watching Chris and Aaron free style rapping AND dancing to Dancing Queen. 2. Rachel and Haley 1. When Zach Rupp and Rachel Sommer sang Dream Lover by Mariah Carey....i'm not lying.
This is what will happen if you pass out at my party....
I finished my first week of nursing school. It's pretty intense, I kinda expected that though. Please note my GIANT stack of books. That's not even all of them. And I have to carry them around all day. Tuesdays are the worst because it's about 7 hours of lecture....sick. I love Wednesdays and Thursdays because it's when we get to do lab work and I get to wear scrubs all day. Every Thursday we have an exam. It's a pass or fail type of deal and I passed this week. You're allowed to retest twice, but after that you're kicked out. Like I told my new friend Ky.....it's easy, you just can't fuck up. That really explains it all. Speaking of my new friend Ky. We are the perfect team. I think we're the slacker/bad kids of our class. He doesn't know it yet, but we are best friends. Also I've been listening to Cloud Cults new album The Ghost inside Our House the past two weeks and it's AMAZING!!! I don't think it officially comes out until next week, but you might be able to find it. They're coming to town next month and I am extremely excited. They are definitely in my top 5. The cure. Depeche Mode. The Frames. Cloud Cult. The fifth spot is always rotating. Right now I think it's pre-Fidelity Regina Spektor. My birthday was last week. I tried not to celebrate it because my party is tomorrow, but my friends tricked me and we celebrated it on my actual birthday....it was great and I can't wait for tomorrow. If you're reading this you're invited to my party. As a side note, maybe you forgot about my love for hockey....I know I kinda did. Haley and I went to a game this week and the Thunderbirds made it to the play offs!!!
that's my favorite quote from j.d. salinger's franny and zooey. i love it so much, but sometimes when i look at it, i can't help but think of some horribly cheesy youth group motto. anyways, the quote in context is beautiful. and i absolutely love j.d. salinger. here's the whole quote....
"I'm not afraid to compete. It's just the opposite. Don't you see that? I'm afraid I will compete- that's what scares me. That's why I quit the Theater Department. Just because I'm so horribly conditioned to accept everybody else's values, and just because I like applause and people to rave about me, doesn't make it right. I'm ashamed of it. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody. I'm sick of myself and everybody else that wants to make some kind of a splash." - Franny
if the only book by salinger you've read is catcher in the rye, then you should be ashamed. i didn't even like that book and he's my favorite author. i really recommend reading franny and zooey. or 9 stories. the first time i read franny and zooey was in the summer of 2004. if you know me, you know that was probably one of the worst summers of my life. i know this is a bit extreme to say, but i really think franny and zooey played a part in saving my life and restoring my hope in God. franny's spiritual crisis was strangely familiar to my own and i found comfort in her divine fictional turmoil.
i woke up wednesday morning feeling like there were a ton of bricks on my chest. my sickness has only gotten worse. i am so thankful for kleenex with lotion. whoever invented them were geniuses. i'm also thankful for fisher mens cough drops. those things are potent. don't pop too many of those in a row though or they might make you puke. being sick while having an unhousebroken puppy is pretty difficult. i can't even image how hard it would be being a single mom or stay at home mom while being sick. it gives me a new understanding and respect for my own mother. today i took talullah to puppy kindergarten, it was kinda pointless because i've lost my voice. also i caucused today another difficult thing to do when you have no voice. anyways i'm drugged up and feeling a little bit better. thank you dayquil. so sorry if i've been ignoring your calls, its because i can't talk.
